Das Tractor.

Sticking with the Das Boot (That's pronounced "BOAT") theme, had I been the Captain of U96, it would be sitting at the bottom of the Straits of Gibraltar with a suffocated crew.  The pump wouldn't have worked, blowing the tanks would have righted the boat but not provided quite  enough buoyancy to float it and even if it had managed to get to the surface the engines wouldn't have started.  We would have sat there until the Brits came back and shot us all to mince meat.

Got home today, no rain, no work scheduled.  Noting to do but putz around the house.  Hopped on the tractor to mow the yard and the battery ist kaput.  Dead cell. These "Lawn and Garden" batteries that the auto parts places sell around here seem to be designed to last one summer.  This one dates to February 2011 so it has been on borrowed time for a while.

I could use the push mower except that the First Wife (same person as the "Lovely Bride" depending on whether she's ticked me off) thought the air filter was clogged (it was) and that the engine could get more air if she took it out and put it in backwards so the clean side was out.  (It didn't).

No.  I did not make that up.

So, instead of loading ammo or shooting or  hunting or even working, I am going to spend my Saturday buying a battery for the tractor and cleaning the push mower's carburetor.  I ain't buyin' no Lawn and Garden battery neither.  I'm gonna get the biggest car battery that I can stuff under that tractor's hood.  I'm gonna take welding cable and make new battery cables for it while I'm at it.  Maybe after all that is done I will be able to actually mow the yard like anybody else.

That's a big "maybe."